I grabbed my "just in case" class format that I had written and made sure to get there early. I set up the room, complete with candles (battery operated and flame less, of course) and soft Yoga tunes. My first 'yogi' made me really concerned that I wasn't well equip to teach this class. She sauntered in, thin, tall, and blonde, carrying her own mat. Her just as thin, brunette, much taller friend came in soon after. I was totally intimidated. I started worrying that maybe I shouldn't be there, that I was going to make a fool out of myself. I just knew that they were wondering why a fat girl thought she could instruct them. As more people arrived (fifteen total), I made sure they knew that I was just the sub and that Cathryn would be back next week. Thankfully, my great friend Ashley decided to be a Yogi for the first time that day (I called her prior to let her know that she should come). Having a familiar and friendly face really calmed my nerves.
So class began... I felt a surge of confidence. I was calm and felt at ease, totally in my element, it was like it was any other class (only I was talking through the entire thing). I made sure to try not to emulate Cathryn's normal class, but made it my own (I'm such a rebel, right?). I didn't even notice the goddesses to my left again until it was time for balancing poses. We started with tree pose then I asked the class if they had any requests for their favorite balance pose (all the while I'm thinking to myself 'don't say dancer, don't say dancer'). Brunette goddess pipes up "How about dancer?" Crap. Dancer it was. This is not my best pose. So I told the class that they should watch brunette goddess instead of me for this one. They all giggled and everyone survived, even me.
I forgot, again, about the better-looking-than-me girls to the left and moved on to finish the class. I only lost one soldier to sleep during Corpse (relaxation) Pose. It wasn't until after class was over that I told everyone that this was my first instructing experience (not counting the living room yoga lessons I've forced my husband to participate in). They were all really surprised (even the goddesses), which I took as a huge compliment.
As I was putting everything away after class, I was literally shaking with excitement and pride. I can't remember a recent time (other than giving birth to my son) that I was so proud of myself. I haven't felt that confident ever in my life.
I have been putting off signing up for my Yoga Instructor Certification course, partly because I'm afraid of failure, and mostly because it will be slightly intimidating to be the only fat instructor at my gym. But, after this experience, I know I can do it. I will do it. Who cares if all the other instructors are beanpoles? I know who I am in Christ, and I love who I am. I paid for my course today, and will soon be certified (as soon as I take the test) so I can start teaching my own classes. I am so looking forward to being able to do something that is for me, but will be helping others at the same time.
I got a call tonight to sub tomorrow morning for the 9:15 Yoga Basics class. I'm really looking forward to it, but am kind of regretting that I made chili (with beans) for dinner tonight.
Be confident, be healthy, love yourself. And remember... You're In Good Company.