Monday, January 10, 2011

Yoga Flatulence

Picture this... you're in a dimly lit room, filled with soothing music.  The light from the candles is bouncing off the mirrored walls.  You are nailing your Yoga poses today, I mean you rock.  Really.  When, suddenly, you notice a little churning in your stomach, not too bad, but enough to be mindful during Downward Facing Dog.
You're stomach begins to tighten a little more and you then become really worried.  You've heard it before, the lone fart let loose in a Yoga class.  It is always followed by muffled giggles and a look in the direction of the guilty party.  The guilty party is always thankful that the room is dark enough that no one can see her reddening face.  You don't want to be that person.  You squirm uncomfortably and feel lucky to have made it through Child's Pose incident-free.
You roll to your back and your instructor calls out the Supine Spinal Twist.  "This stretch is really good for the intestinal track," she says.  "CRAP!", you think quietly to yourself.  Again, with no incident.  You think you're in the clear.  But then that darn Happy Baby Pose... you can feel it coming and there is nothing you can do to stop it.  You know that you're going to be that girl this time.  Maybe they won't hear it, maybe it won't stink, maybe the fan will reduce the sound.
There's no stopping it now, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.  It was loud.  People look your way, your face turns red.  You pretend it wasn't you.  Your choices now are to look around as if to find the culprit, or to pretend you didn't hear anything at all.  You can either grab your shoes and run (yes, this would be a time you might see me actually running) or you finish the class like a big girl.  All you know is that next time you will skip the A.M. fiber and pray for your future workout sessions to be gas free. 
If this has ever happened to you... well, you're In Good Company.


  1. I just hope this doesn't happn to me once I actually start instructing...


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