Wednesday, May 4, 2011

In Honor of Mother's Day

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A MOMMY......
...when the finger up your nose mostly likely isn't your own.
...when you have more toy cars in your purse than you do money.
...when you aren't aware that you have someone else's booger in your hair.
...when, without thinking anything of it, you hold out your hand to catch vomit.
...when you make sure everyone else is fed before you sit down to eat.
...when you aren't afraid to stand up to anyone or anything just to protect your child.
...when your boobies are stretched to a ridiculous size and your body is covered in stretch marks from pregnancy, but you'd do it all over again in an instant, without question.
...when a night in with the family almost always sounds better than a night out with friends.
...when, for outings, your own appearance isn't as important as making sure your child is clean and combed.
...when getting headbutted in the crotch is a daily occurrence.
...when you're not certain of the names of the Kardashian sisters, but you know who Lenny, Tuck, and Ming Ming are.
...when the theme songs from all of the Nick JR shows are simultaneously running through your head.
...when, at all costs, you avoid wearing white.
...when multitasking is a way of life.
...when you aren't certain if your teeth have been brushed today, but everyone has been fed, bathed, and medicine has been given.
...when you love with every ounce of your being and would do just about anything to protect a little bald guy who drools, pees on himself (and sometimes you) and can't feed himself.
...when you finally learn to respect and understand your own mother.
...when frazzled is normal.
...when you can't sneeze without peeing a little.
...when you spell naughty words and words like 'snack' even in adult conversations.
...when a solo trip to the dentist is like a vacation.
...when talking about poop is a daily occurrence.
...when you know what it's like to have your heart walk outside of your body.

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