Friday, June 10, 2011

I Want To Dance

I want to dance.  Not the kind of dancing where I just sway side-to-side, hoping no one is watching my lack of ability and grace.  Not the kind of dancing where I play the air guitar and do other silly things, looking like an idiot on purpose (horribly embarrassing my husband) -- although fun.  And not the kind where my husband twirls me around and then holds me close and I lay my head on his broad shoulder, although this kind is my favorite.  What I mean is that I want to really dance.
I took dance lessons as a very little girl and then again in Junior High when it was the cool thing to do.  Technique I could get down.  Fluidity, grace, and feeling the moves, I could not.  My mom said I danced like Frankenstein.  At the time my feelings were hurt (but honestly, everything hurt my feelings at that age), but I realize now that she was right.  I 'danced' with the rigidity of a rusty robot.  I can strike a pose with the best of them (hence my love for Yoga), but I cannot shimmy, sway, or spin with that organic, silky, grace that is just hardwired into some people.  But I wish I could.  I mean, I really wish I could.
I sit and drool over So You Think You Can Dance on Fox, wishing I could make my body move in such a beautiful manner.  Dancers with true talent can make you feel and see the music as you are watching them.  What amazes me, too, is they make it all look so simple and effortless.  Dancing is such an incredible form of self-expression.  A form of self-expression that I don't have.  I can play the piano, I used to be able to sing (and still subject my shower walls to listening to the screeching of old high school choir songs), and I write, oh how I love to write -- but my two left feet and the quite un-frail body in which I live don't exactly give me the elegance needed for dancing ballet, jitterbug, cha-cha or jive.  I have always loved the stage -- and being on it -- but there is something so moving about a solo dancer, performing his or her heart out.  There is also something, almost miracle-like, about seeing a group of dancers who have practiced painstakingly long hours to make every move just perfect and in sync with the others around them, all moving together as if belonging to one single body.  My body aches to be able to move that way, my heart wishes to be able to perform.
I suppose some would say it is a waste of time to dream about things that will never be accomplished.  But honestly, I choose to believe that life without dreaming is a waste of time.  If we don't aspire to be more than we are today, will we ever become anything more than we are now?  Maybe someday I will pull together enough courage to take a local dance class.  Maybe not.  But until that is decided for sure, I will continue to admire (and secretly envy) the lucky ones who are possessors of this incredible talent and to dance in my living room to the tunes of The Backyardigans on NickJR with my favorite little guy.

Live like there is no tomorrow.  Dream like you will live forever.  Dance like no one is watching.  And remember... you're In Good Company.

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