I know that during the beginning of any healthy eating plan (I refuse and reject the word 'diet') there is a newlywed phase where you feel good. So good. Na Na Na Na Na Na Na. That's where I'm at right now. I'm not following any certain plan or killing myself with unmaintainable restrictions. I'm just making wise decisions. And I feel great. Empowered even. I am choosing to seek out wisdom. To use the tools that are available to me. To make choices that are beneficial.
Eventually, I would like to see a dietitian for assistance (because there is so much confusing and contradicting information out there) with a meal plan specific to my needs, one that will be appropriate for my entire family. But, I was encouraged by my husband to, first, try my own plan. Stick to a schedule of my own. Prove that I am dedicated, see what happens, and then we'll talk about seeking the help of a dietitian. So I am. I am writing down everything I eat and all of the exercise I get (I am not counting calories). I am recording my weekly weigh-ins, praying that the number will get smaller instead of the dreaded opposite. I have a Psalms journal (given to me by a wonderful friend) that I am using. The scriptures included on alternating pages have proven to be quite an encouragement (and amazingly applicable to my particular situation).
I know I'm only on day 2 of the reinstatement of Operation Get Healthy, but this time feels different. I feel encouraged and dedicated to losing weight (not just for vanity's sake) to get healthy. I'll be honest with you -- I'm sick and tired of having to tuck my fat into my Secretly Slender jeans. I'm sick of my back fat, my thunder-thighs, my arms that wave back at me, my dimple-covered jiggle mountain of a booty. I want to look better. But, first, I want to feel better (because I know that it will take longer for me to look better than it will to feel better... darn it). I want my body to be healthy so that it can be energized to serve the Lord and those around me. I want to not be too tired to go on walks. I want to get up when my alarm goes off in the morning. I want to feel exuberant! Yes. Exuberant. And I will. I am dedicated to it.
I feel like it's important to know and understand how you feel now, and how you would like to feel instead. If you are going to make a change, you have to know exactly what you want to change. I feel like (for me, at least) being fat is like having an awful cold. I feel like crap, I don't feel like putting make-up on or getting dressed up, I don't really want to go anywhere, I just want to stay home and wallow. Then the cold starts to wear off, I start to feel a little better, I think that maybe putting on some mascara would help me feel good, and maybe getting out of the house would be nice. Then, one day, you wake up, you don't have dried snot on your face, and you forget that you were even sick in the first place. That's the process I'm going through right now, but I still have dried snot on my face. I am making the decision to put on the mascara (or, rather, eat healthy and go to the gym CONSISTENTLY), and am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
My husband made a really good point the other day (although it really irritated me at the time), as I was complaining about my lack of results, followed by my lack of will-power. He said "You know what you need to do, Kelsey. You just have to make the decision to DO it." He's right, darn it. So, I'm following the advice I've been giving you for the last six months. I'm eating off of smaller plates, I'm making healthy choices (like, say, a hard-boiled egg for a snack instead of animal crackers), and I'm making sure that I get exercise -- Every.Single.Day. Don't believe me? Today I couldn't go to the gym because my son's car seat was in my husband's vehicle (which, consequently, meant it was across town), so I made myself exercise at home. I chose to try a workout I found on the Internet called The 100 Workout.
I completed the entire thing (minus the running... which I replaced with 30 minutes of Yoga). And you know what? It wasn't that bad. I had to stop a few times during the first 100 Jumping Jacks, but so what? Maybe next time I won't have to. The point is, I feel strong and encouraged because I did something. Believe me, I love food, and I especially love bad food. But I won't be a slave to food any longer. This is not the battle I would have chosen to fight, but it's the battle I've been given to fight (interesting how my two hard battles, while at very opposite ends of the spectrum, have both included food and self-control), and I will win. Because, I'm stubborn. I do things just to prove people wrong. And I refuse to stay unhealthy. I want to feel good. I want to feel strong. I want to be happy with who I am and how God made me. Thunder-thighs and all.
I also want to thank you for continuing this journey with me. Thank you for your encouragement and prayers. I hope that I can encourage you to fight your battle, whatever it may be.
Be Healthy. Love yourself. And thank you for keeping me In Good Company.