In fact, my body is totally out of whack unless I take Yaz (which, in case you haven't seen the commercials featuring four equally beautiful women of varying races, is a birth control pill), which helps control my PCOS. PCOS is an acronym for My-Body-Hates-Me-And-Makes-My-Insides-Feel-Like-They-Are-Full-Of-Nails-While-Simultaneously-Making-It-Nearly-Impossible-To-Lose-Weight-Or-Get-Pregnant. You can see why PCOS is the more popular name. In addition to this, my levels of 'Free Testosterone' are undetectable. Which means, without treatment, I lack energy in every area of my life (I would elaborate, but my dad reads my blog and I'm sure he would appreciate being able to continue the belief that my son was born via immaculate conception).
The treatment that my Doctor (who has since retired... without my approval, might I add) began administering was the implantation of a testosterone pellet in alternating butt-cheeks every twelve weeks. They do not say butt-cheek. They say hip. They lie. They make a tiny incision in the side of my butt after injecting me with scalding acid (in some states it's also called a local anesthetic), push the pellet under my skin and bandage me up. The whole process takes about 15 minutes. Within a day, I feel great (aside from the pain in my derriere).
The process of testosterone implantation in women is not an FDA approved practice. But it's been done for the past 50 years and I had enough trust in my physician (God bless that retired old man, who was responsible for the fertility treatments that gave us our munchkin) to give it a try. For the past 18 months, I have been going every 12 weeks for my implant and I have been feeling amazing. I have had more energy than I've ever had as an adult (I would say in my entire life, but I had some pretty hyper years as a pre-teen).
For various reasons (which include scheduling conflicts, staff changes, and a new doctor who wanted to run lab work before the procedure) I went 16 weeks between my last two implants. I am not kidding you when I say that those extra four weeks were awful. A.W.F.U.L. I was low on energy, not sleeping well, not exercising to my full potential, my brain was constantly foggy, my body ached, and I was grouchy (again, only in the privacy of my own home). On more than one occasion I cried for no reason, and even told my husband that I felt like celebrities must feel right before they are hospitalized for exhaustion (have you ever noticed that normal people don't get those kinds of vacations). Basically I was a moody teenage wretch right before her period. On top of feeling like complete crap, these four weeks included my son's 2nd birthday party, my birthday, five nights away from home for two Christmas celebrations, and New Year's.
Finally, last Tuesday, I went in for my Testosterone implant. By Wednesday afternoon, I was feeling back to myself again (just in time for a night out with my CrossFit sisters). It was amazing how I didn't realize just how horrible I had been feeling, until I felt good again. I explained to my husband that I suddenly felt like I had just woken up from the world's most refreshing nap (I wonder if that's a category in the Guinness Book). He was
So, dear readers, please forgive me for neglecting you. With all of this newly restored synthetic-hormone enhanced energy, I should be back on top of the blogging world soon (or somewhere near the lower middle). I look forward to spending 2012 with you. Thank you for always keeping me In Good Company.