Thursday, May 24, 2012

Maybe

For some reason my heart feels heavy tonight as I write.  Nothing monumentally sad has happened to me recently.  But I'm on edge; anxious; grouchy.


Maybe it's because of the premature arrival of summer temperatures, which almost always make me a little testy.  I'm ready for Fall.

Maybe it's because the terrible two's ran rampant through my house all day.

Maybe it's because, even though I haven't gained any weight, I am feeling super chubby.

Maybe it's because I haven't been watching my diet as closely as I should be.

Maybe it's because I'm back on "The Hooch."

"The Hooch"


Maybe it's because I'm bloated.

Maybe it's because of the new zit on my forehead and the darkening of the sun spots on my cheekbones.

Maybe it's because my close friends and family keep telling me to write a book.  But I have no clue where to start and I am terrified of failing.

Maybe it's because I felt like the Yoga class I taught today was less than sub-par.



Maybe it's that I am feeling sluggish and tired, exhausted to my core.

Maybe it's because of all of the sad and terrible things happening all over the news.

Maybe it's because we recently made the decision to leave our church, and being without a church home makes me sad.

Maybe it's because I feel like I have been drifting in my faith.

Maybe it's because I desperately wish we could live closer to my parents.

My dad coloring on the sidewalk with my little guy.
This is one of my favorite pictures of all times.

Maybe it's because I'm incredibly crazy anxious about doing a CrossFit WOD in a very public setting next Friday evening.  I'm a tad terrified of seeming fat, clumsy, and incapable in front of that many strangers.

Maybe it's because my sister lives 3 hours away.  I feel as though I am missing out on so much of her pregnancy, her nursing career, and my hilarious nephew.

Maybe it's because I haven't had enough sleep for the past 2 1/2 years.

Maybe it's because I'm still mourning the cross-state move our best friends made 5 months ago.  It's not like we won't see them again.  But their little family is made up of my adulthood best friend, my husband's best friend, and my son's best friend.  The absence of the daily play dates and spontaneous shopping trips to neighboring towns have created a hole in our lives.  Maybe this seems a little silly, but they were our family in this town where we don't have any family.  They are the kind of friends that are a rare gem in adulthood.  The kind of friends that are welcome in your home any time, and are welcome to enter without knocking.  The kind that you truly feel the phrase "mi casa es su casa".  The friends you can call on in an emergency.  The friends you call on in a non-emergency.

Us with our best friends and their new arrival!

Maybe it's because I ordered a swimsuit and it should arrive any day.  And when I say "I ordered" it, I really mean, my mom sat me down, made me pick out a suit, and ordered it for me.  I am more than terrified to try it on.

Maybe it's because I have been allowing my thoughts to run wild.

Maybe I feel bad for feeling bad, when I know that my life is a cakewalk compared to so many others.

Maybe I just need to go to bed, say my prayers, and start tomorrow with a new and positive attitude.

Maybe I need to begin dwelling on my blessings.

Please forgive my temporarily crappy attitude.  I'm sorry that tonight I'm not being very good at keeping you In Good Company....

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