Monday, June 4, 2012

Lycra and Crotch Guards: Revisited

So I mentioned before about my near-paralyzing fear of swimming suits.  Because my mom loves me -- and probably more because she was feeling sorry for my son because I wasn't taking him swimming -- she made me pick out a suit online and she ordered it for me.  The process took about 2 hours because I could not picture any of the suits on my body.  Adding to this dilemma were the Photoshopped ladies modeling the suits -- and I might mention that probably none of them have stretched their skin out to the point that their tummies, thighs, and boobs look like 2-week-old deflated helium balloons.  Anyway, I chose a modest one-piece (in black, of course) from Speedo, we took my measurements and placed the order. 
Front View

Back View


I waited in terrified anticipation until it finally arrived in the mail.  I opened the package, was nauseated by the scent of the lycra and spandex, and hurriedly tried it on -- for fear that I would lose my courage.  It didn't fit.  It wasn't unbearable tight, but it was unbearably short.  I had an entire Interstate of cleavage hanging out the top -- and this is a tough feat to accomplish, seeing as how my boobies don't start nearly as high as they once did.  I am not excessively tall, but apparently I have a freakishly long torso.  This is new information for me.

So, I sent the suit back and re-ordered the same one in a larger size.  It's quite hard to find a cute swimming suit sized for a long torso -- and I am super not ready for a bikini.  It should arrive tomorrow and I am hoping the extra room will provide me some extra length (in the mean time, I have just been hanging out in running shorts in the back yard while my son splashes in his baby pool).  If not, I have already picked out what I will order next.

Do you think the other moms at the pool will look at me funny?
This one might be better because it will keep my hair dry --
which will help me to not have to do the mom-style giraffe neck thing.

Be brave, get a wet suit.  And thanks for keeping me In Good Company.

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