On Monday I have fulfill my “civic duty” and report for jury duty. I tried to get out of it by calling the court office and explaining that I am a stay at home mom with no one to watch Little K .
Court Secretary – I’m sorry ma’am, but that is not a valid excuse to let you out of jury duty.
Me – I don’t have any family in town. There is no one available to watch my child.
CS – Being a stay at home mom is not a good enough reason to excuse you. If you had an emergency, you would find someone to watch your child.
Me – No I wouldn’t. I would take him with me to my emergency situation. Because I don’t have any family in town.
CS – I’m sorry, but I cannot excuse you. If you would like to discuss this matter with the judge I will give you his number.
It’s not like the five dollars they are going to pay me isn’t enticing, but I don’t really feel like it’s my civic duty to serve as a juror. I feel like it it’s my civic duty to not be break the law like an asshole.
But, because, more than my need to stay at home, I would like to not have a warrant out for my arrest – or a hit put out on me… I’m not exactly sure how that works in Kansas – I am going to report for jury duty on time. With my three year old (I really don't have anyone to watch him)… and he will have had a breakfast of sprinkled frosted cake donuts and chocolate milk. And maybe a Popsicle.
In a perfect world, I would walk in carrying my high-on-sugar son, explaining to him that this is silly because the guy is guilty anyway. Then I would make a comment that is borderline racist. Although my guilty conscience wouldn’t allow me to any do that. Partially because I would like to believe in our justice system. But mostly because racism isn’t funny, even if you are only pretending. But also I would worry that Jesus might be half Hispanic, half African American, and I would hate for Him to overhear my comment, miss my comedic intentions to get out of jury duty, and get totally offended. You can’t ever be sure, they never spoke of Instagram in Leviticus.
Maybe a better option would be to randomly break out in interpretive dance moves. I’m thinking a cross between Phoebe’s running on Friends and Elaine’s dancing on Seinfeld.
Regardless it will likely be a fabulous experience. I’ll be sure to have a camera if any dancing occurs.
Fulfill you civic duty by not being an asshole. If you don't break the law, no one would have to worry about reporting for jury duty.
Thank you for keeping me In Good Company.