Monday, September 23, 2013

My Dog is on Xanax

Daisy is a great dog.  The best.  She protects her brother, she snuggles, and cuddles, and sleeps all the time, and barks at the mailman, and wags her whole body when we get home, she knows her middle name and that it is only used when she's in trouble, she can sit and shake and give high fives and speak and whisper and fetch, and all the other awesome things dogs do.  But better.  Because she's the best.

That being said -- she also incessantly licks and chews at her feet.  Nonstop.  She licks and chews her until her skin is red and raw and she is whimpering in pain, but won’t stop.  Assuming she is an allergy sufferer like the rest of our family, we loaded her up on prednisone and Benadryl at the suggestion of our vet.  This lasted several years.

A few months ago, I took her in for a checkup and described her habit in detail.  Particularly that when she’s afraid she’ll get scolded for licking her feet, she will begin licking cotton pillows or fleece blankets.  Occasionally, she will nibble holes – a behavior we’ve tried to correct since she was a puppy – a behavior that, if you’ve been to my house, explains my shitty looking throw blankets.  And if you haven’t been to my house, I’m kidding, my throw blankets are completely superior to yours.

The vet became silent and said, “How do you feel about mind-altering medication?”  “Pardon?” I asked.  He went on to explain that Daisy’s behavior is consistent with a compulsive disorder and wondered if I was opposed to mind-altering medication.

At this point I began laughing and said, “This is really funny because I have OCD.  So I’m a pretty big fan of mind-altering medications.  Maybe this is genetic?”

I left with her bottle of amitriptyline and added it to her drawer in the kitchen alongside her arthritis medicine, allergy medicine, steroids, heartworm prevention medicine, flea and tick killer, toothbrush, special toothpaste, doggy downers (for grooming visits, Halloween, and 4th of July), three different flavors or treats, and her hot pink zebra print leash that is rarely used.  No wonder we don’t feel the need to have another human child, we already have a furry one.  Also, no wonder the vet recommended she lose 10 pounds – a quarter of her body weight.  Update on that?  She gained 5.

Back on track… I called my husband and said, “You’re not going to believe this.  Daisy has a compulsive disorder.”  I eased his confusion by explaining what the vet said and told him that she now has a prescription of doggy Xanax.

Then, he laughed and said, “Oh my God.  She IS your daughter!”

One of my closest friends said, “That’s hilarious!  It’s a match made in heaven!”

Moral of the story, my family and friends are all aware of my crazy tendencies and love me in spite of it because of it.  And also, we are the perfect home for our Daisy girl.

Thank you for keeping me In Good Company.

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