Sunday, February 15, 2015

Fat and Lent

Friday at work, an adorable little girl came in selling Girl Scout cookies.  I adamantly told my coworkers that I would not be buying any cookies because I have no self-control.  I stupidly went to the front desk and after seeing the pictures of the cookies on the order form, I started writing a check to pay for five boxes of cookies.  I left with my bag of bad decisions and vowed not to open a single box.

Before Mr. B got home from work that night, I had eaten an entire box of Carmel Delights.  I was going to try to defend myself by saying they are tiny boxes of minuscule cookies (and it is sort of close to my cycle); but who am I kidding?  I tried to lie by omission by saying, “I spent $20 on Girl Scout cookies today.  There are four boxes in the cabinet.”  I felt too guilty and fessed up about my bender.

Fat and Lent - -- In Good Company
I do not own the rights to this image.

I’ve successfully gained a shit ton of weight.  It’s not muscle.  I feel gross, and I keep trying to motivate myself, but I keep sucking at the follow-through.  The last time I stepped on the scale was a few weeks ago and it told me I was a depressing 220 pounds (only God knows what I'm up to now).  Yet I still keep making terrible choices.  My willpower is broken.  I say things like, “I got this!”  And I mean it, but my initiative only lasts momentarily.
Fat and Lent - -- In Good Company
I cried when I saw the last picture of myself.  Cried.

Now it is Sunday, and I have inhaled an impressive disappointing shocking horrifying undisclosed amount of cookies.  I keep doing that – sabotaging myself.  I will have a great week at the gym, and start to see some strength progress, and then I eat my weight in sugar and start hating myself all over again.  I ended a 51 hour binge this afternoon when I went to hear my close friends speak about their recent service trip to a Haiti.  Fitting, right?
Fat and Lent - -- In Good Company
This happened.  Really.
I do not own the rights to this image.

{  This Wednesday will begin the Lenten season.  Typically I give up something that will help me with my personal health goals – like chocolate.  The way I see it, I was gifted this body, and caring for my body also honors God.  Often I give up Facebook, only to replace it with an obsession with Pinterest or Instagram or Twitter.  But I started thinking about all of the areas of my life which I am lacking in honoring the blessings that have been bestowed upon me.

So I came up with a list.  A list of the areas I want to improve upon.  A list of places to improve upon.  A list of things that I have been given and am thankful for, and want to be intentional about nurturing.  The list is: Body, Health, Mind, Spirit, Faith, Marriage, Family, Friends, and Pets.

I then added ideas on how to nurture and love each area.  Subtracting or adding actions for each one.  I suppose, if you want to get picky, not every area is a sacrifice, but it is being purposeful, and they all take time, and they all are acts of loving intently.  Some things are quite simple – maybe just something I need to remind myself to do.  Some are more time-consuming.  My hope is that this Lenten season will pour into the rest of the year.

This is what I settled upon:

Body – Do a CrossFit WOD 4 times each week.  No exceptions.

Health – No pop, juice, alcohol, sweets, fast food, chips, or white flour.

Mind – Sit down and write 2 times each week.  No exceptions.

Spirit – Pray daily.

Faith – Go to church on Sundays when in town.

Marriage – More bow-chicka-bow-wow.

Family – No Facebook, Facebook Messenger, Instagram, Time Hop, Twitter, or Pinterest.

Friends – Send one card each week.

Pets – Walk the girls 3 times each week.  No exceptions.

I almost gave up peanut butter, lattes, and BuzzFeed.  But I couldn’t.  I just couldn’t.

I showed my list to Mr. B and then asked him his favorite part.  He answered my question by repeating my question.  “Easter,” I deadpanned.  }

Always an over-sharer, I guess I’m looking for a little accountability.  I haven’t felt of any use to anyone since gaining weight (because I’m not success story anymore).  I want to be in body, soul, relationships, and spirit.  Because I know I need these changes, I am beginning Lent tomorrow instead of Wednesday.

To help me, I found a really great weekly to-do list that I can schedule in my acts of intention.  The bright colors satisfy my artistic self, and the time blocks really feed my OCD needs.

Fat and Lent - -- In Good Company
 I do not own the rights to this image.
To print your copy, click here.

I hope that this season will be a season of dedication to change – a season of prayerful intentions – a season of developing self-control (the Fruit of the Spirit I’ve always lacked).

Thank you, as always, for keeping me In Good Company.

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