Thursday, February 26, 2015

Getting There

Sometimes I forget I’m fat.  Honestly.  Before when I lost nearly 100 pounds, I had a hard time seeing myself as thin and healthy and continued to feel like a big girl even after I wasn’t.  By the time I had finally merged my brain and body, I blossomed back into the chubster that I am now.  And, yet again, my brain is late to catch up.  It’s not that I think I look like a CrossFit Games athlete or anything, but I just forget that I’ve gotten so big.
I will feel pretty confident and then see a picture of myself or spot my reflection after a shower and realize with shame that I look like Pizza the Hut from Space Balls.

In Good Company: Getting There
I do not own the rights to this image.

When I was updating the Before and During page of this blog, Little K happened to spot one of my thinner pictures.  “Who’s that, mommy?”  “That’s me, buddy.”  “No it’s not.”  As I continued to scroll up and my body became bigger and bigger in the photos, he said, “That’s not you, that’s not you, that’s not you, that’s not you.  There you are!”  He finally recognized me in a picture that is less than flattering.

In Good Company: Getting There
Yep, there I am...

Kids are honest to a fault.  But it was a bit of an eye-opening moment for me to realize how he sees me, to realize that he doesn’t even recognize me when healthy.

After two weeks of some pretty significant changes in my diet and exercise regimen, I feel simultaneously great and terrible.

I am fairly restricted in my food choices and, to be honest, I am lusting over the giant batch of untouched margaritas in my refrigerator.  I have forced myself to be considerate of what I am putting into my body – which is exactly what I should be doing all of the time, not just during the Lenten season.

Four consecutive days of CrossFit has left me exhausted and sore, but invigorated.  I have struggled through the fourth WOD (workout of the day) both this week and last, but I am pushing myself like I haven’t been able to do in a long time – if ever.

In Good Company: Getting There
I do not own the rights to this image.

While my journey has always been more about being healthy than losing pounds, it has been reassuring that I am already seeing some of my gained weight come off.  There will be a point when I will stop losing weight, and the progress I see will be only at the gym.  This is why I am focusing on the integrity of my movements, the amount of weight on the bar, the intensity I use, and the amount of time in which I can perform a WOD (so… CrossFit, in a nutshell).

I am fortunate to have such a great support system.  Mr. B is genuinely interested each day in how my WOD went and is quick to praise my progress.  My close friend Sar is also one of my CrossFit coaches, and just having her aware of my goals and invested in my progress has been keeping me accountable.

As I write, my right calf is on the verge of cramping, my shoulders are knotted up, my ass and hamstrings are sore, and I have no drive left in my hips; yet I am considering going back tomorrow for a fifth WOD this week – because the feelings of strength and pride far outweigh the exhaustion and sore muscles (it’s also the first WOD of The Open, which I have yet to register for).

In Good Company: Getting There
I do not own the rights to this image.

And while I would love to share an entire bottle of wine with myself, I won’t.  Because eating well makes my body and mind feel good.  I’m not at a point, yet, where I can eat a cookie without eating nine.  Maybe by Easter, but I have a feeling this road I am on right now will be longer lasting than just 40 days.

Be healthy.  Push yourself.  Thank you for keeping me In Good Company.

Like this post?  Try these:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please leave your comment below!